Shame On Me
by fwuzzfwuzz
Summary: Kiss her once, shame on you. Kiss her twice, shame on me. Conversations between Edward and Carlisle during the two times Bella kissed Jacob in Eclipse.


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Hi everyone, still working on my Jericho chapter. I struggle a little with that story since some of the chapters just don't reach my standards. Anyways, as a relief by my insistent writer's block on my other story here is a one-shot. Enjoy.

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A sharp rapt against the door alerted Carlisle's attention. The door opened before he spoke and shut with an efficient silence.

The feeling of foreboding crept in as Carlisle looked at his son standing in the doorway.

Edward stood by the solid wood door frame with a stiff posture and clenched fists. The pain in his eyes lanced Carlisle's heart and made it ache with an acute pain. A pain he never would wish on anyone. A pain he had experienced some 80 years ago.

"It's not what you think." A vehement declaration sliced through the air.

Carlisle leaned back with an air of practiced confusion. He used the moment to study the younger man across the room.

Edward looked like an angered snake ready to snap at the slightest provocation.

"What is it that I am thinking?" Carlisle questioned.

Edward's eyes flashed angrily and he pounded his fist through the wall. The clash reverberated through the air like thunder.

Carlisle maintained a calm disposition warily regarding his son.

His usually level-headed son was a force to be reckoned with when angry.

Edward strode with long steps to the mahogany desk and jabbed his finger accusingly at his father as if hoping to stab him with an invisible rapier.

"You _know _what I'm talking about!" He said, with his teeth gritted, barely suppressing fury. Carlisle frowned and shook his head apologetically.

"I think about a lot of things you're going to have to clari-,"

He was interrupted by Edward slamming the palms of his hands on the desk and leaning forward with an enraged expression.

"It's not the same!" He hollered. It seemed to be completely out of context.

Carlisle jerked backwards with a furrowed brow and a disapproving frown.

A swirl of confusion and displeasure mixed together as their gazes met.

Edward breathed heavily for a moment and then pushed away from the desk in frustration.

The outlines of Edward's hands in his desk caused Carlisle's frown to deepen.

"Edward, it would please me if would discuss this calmly without any further damage to my décor." Carlisle said evenly only earning himself a petulant glare.

"_Geez, he was stubborn to a fault – almost a childish fault."_ Carlisle thought with exasperation.

Edward seemed to have heard that thought for he was eyeing a bookshelf rather maliciously.

"_Don't even think about it or I'll have you tape every page back together." _Carlisle mentally warned.

Edward took a deep breath, "Bella is not the same as Esme. How _dare _you imply th-that this, whatever this was, is the same as what happened to Esme!"

The accusation hung harshly in the air as if God himself engraved it into the wall.

"I assume you are referring to my thoughts this afternoon when I was mending Bella's hand." Carlisle remarked gently with knowing eyes that only caused to infuriate Edward further.

_A flash of Esme fighting away prying hands of "that man" which Carlisle had deigned to call her previous husband. _

_That man forcing himself on her._

_That man hurting his love physically, emotionally, and mentally._

"Stop it!" Edward demanded almost desperately, "You don't realize the weight of the situation. Your thoughts, they're incorrect. You associate Bella to this heinous crime committed to Esme. How dare you!" His voice rasped with heavy emotion.

_That man_.

Edward stiffened.

Carlisle closed his eyes and then shook his head.

He leaned forward giving Edward a sincere look.

"I apologize for the flicker of remembrance that appeared when hearing of the situation between Bella and Jacob. It was not my intention to cause you pain." Carlisle said with slight terseness in his voice feeling unjustly accused.

"Although, I must claim amnesty for I did not dwell on the topic. I sometimes forget that you are listening to my thoughts." Carlisle said making the simple statement sound like a reproof for the nosy eavesdropper.

Edward flopped bonelessly to the loveseat that faced Carlisle's desk. He still held an aggravated posture.

He stared moodily at a picture frame on Carlisle's desk seeming intent on burning it with his gaze.

"My thoughts are not the catalyst to your current disposition. Am I correct in assuming this?" Carlisle questioned. His face held a shrewd look wise beyond the physical age he held.

"No, you are entirely at fault." Edward said not sparing Carlisle a glance. He sat still like statue made by a skilled artist who was having a very bad day.

Carlisle sighed, "Really Edward, the impudence isn't necessary. I have already apologized with my apparent lack of disregard of your feeling. Accusing your Bella of getting into a situation as Esme did."

Edward turned sharply at Carlisle who seemed to be choosing his words carefully. Carlisle continued with a determined manner.

"Obviously, Bella would never get in a situation like Esme did. Esme was entirely at fault and should bear the brunt of the blame for the situation that she had gotten herself into."

Carlisle gave Edward a hard look conveying that Edward should cut the bull and say what was really bothering him about this situation.

Edward, well, if looks could kill Carlisle would be dead in a different sense.

"Stop twisting my words! I never said Esme was to blame!" Edward chewed out. Carlisle raised his eyebrows in false surprise.

"Oh? I could not come up with any other conclusion than that I had accused Bella of getting herself in a situation such as Esme's. Isn't that what you said? You won't explain to me so I must come up with my own conclusions." Carlisle lectured evenly.

Edward sputtered for a moment, "I was angry at you for accusing Jacob of abuse!"

Edward looked pleased at his swift answer but it quickly fell away by Carlisle's tactless chuckling.

"Edward, what do you take me for? I am more apt to believe that you'd cheer me on if I said Jacob was at fault for this afternoon's episode."

Edward stayed silent not relenting to the fact that Carlisle was more than right. Carlisle sobered and silently examined Edward. He straightened preparing to pinpoint exactly what he thought was the problem.

"You're angry because you couldn't protect her."

The words were like a stab to the heart and Edward got up quickly. He had a look of feral disgust on his face. Carlisle, all too familiar with anything Edward could lay into him, plowed right through.

"You're angry because you were wrong. You trusted the wrong person."

Edward snarled and flipped the loveseat against the wall as if to make a point that Carlisle would back off. Carlisle looked unfazed.

"Stop denying it. You know I'm right. I know how this feels."

"Shut up!" Edward roared looking on the verge of breaking down. Carlisle stood up with an air of authority fed up with the treatment Edward chose to focus on him.

"Edward, for once in your life, you need to realize that you can't control everything! Face that this stuff happens and move on. You can't stop every bad thing. You can't stop-,"

Again Carlisle was interrupted by the ticking bomb in front of him, "I can and I will stop this. That dog will never lay his lips on Bella again! I will make sure of it." He declared with the conviction of a priest.

With that he strode out of Carlisle's office slamming the door loudly. Carlisle wearily sat down placing his head in his hands. Some lessons had to be learned the hard way.

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Edward was numb.

Yes, he had the experience of not being able to feel pain or feel warmth.

This was a different type of numb.

The cold hatred seeping out of the cracks of his broken heart and froze his insides. He walked aimlessly on the reservation ignoring the blatant looks of animosity from some and the cold indifference of others.

He walked in the Black household and spotted his unkempt father who was studiously sitting beside Jacob's bedside readying himself to change the werewolf's morphine for the 4th time in that hour.

It had been a long and tiring few days and neither he nor Carlisle had time to freshen up. Edward did not know the reason why he had followed along with Carlisle.

Shouldn't he be with Bella or is it the guilt and pain that causes him not to care? Maybe that's too harsh, not care _as much_.

Moans of pain escaped the sixteen year old in his feverish sleep. They worried Edward who was hoping that the boy would recover regardless if they were at odds. He understood that Jacob's death would cause Bella immense pain.

Carlisle, noticing him standing there, gave Edward a comforting glance. Edward nervously shuffled his feet remembering an event that had happened a few weeks prior. He felt a shame that intensified over the weeks that he had not acknowledged his behavior to his father.

There had been a wall between them since their last conversation. More likely, it was erected by Edward than Carlisle. The others tried to stay out of it with the exception of Alice. It was in Alice's nature to meddle.

"I believe I owe you an apology." Edward said softly breaking the fragile silence. Carlisle assessed Edward carefully understanding what Edward was referring to but fearful of the cause.

"For your violent bullying of my stuff or your blatant disrespect towards me?" Carlisle quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Edward gave Carlisle a sheepish look. He almost forgot the horrible attitude that he graced Carlisle with that day. Esme gave him the silent treatment for a week for ruining her hard work.

"Both, and the fact I didn't trust your advice. I should've realized I wouldn't be able to stop it from happening again."

Carlisle started and he breathed in with surprise, "You don't mean." He trailed off apprehensively. Edward just nodded with a pained expression.

The pain was so substantial and so touchable. Carlisle felt it magnified when he looked at his lost son.

"Oh, God." Carlisle whispered realizing the repercussions of the statement.

"This time it was a mutual agreement." Edward said. The pain that seemed almost like a morbid aura encompassed the bronze-haired vampire.

"Oh God." Carlisle said once more but with in an emphasized tone. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets seeming to try and hold back the strength of his emotion.

"Maybe this is how it was meant to be. Jacob is certainly better suited." Edward proclaimed bitterly.

Carlisle bit back a sigh at another self-flagellation initiated by the younger man.

"You know that isn't true. You know Bella loves you."

Edward observed his pristine black and white converse shoes for a couple moments. "I'm sure she loves me, but sometimes love isn't enough. Jacob can give her what she wants more that I could ever wish for."

They were interrupted by a loud groan. The moans grew louder and Carlisle began to up the morphine dose again. Carlisle used this time to think of an appropriate answer.

"Sometimes I wonder if you really understand what she wants. I believe you often mix it up with what you want for her."

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. His gaze was unfocused as he stared at the wall.

"So you're saying this kiss didn't mean anything."

Carlisle ran a hand through his hair. A sure sign that he definitely did not mean that and the question mildly irritated him. He focused on monitoring Jacob's vitals vigilantly but then looked to Edward with a narrowed gaze.

"You know full well that is not what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that she kissed Jacob in a desperate time. We all do stupid things when under pressure for love." Carlisle reasoned hinting toward past events. Edward shifted uncomfortably at the insinuation.

"She loves Jacob."

"She loves you. Really Edward, she has proved time and time again that she can't live without you. She is your mate."

"You make it sound like she has no choice." Edward remarked testily.

Carlisle shot him a warning look not desiring it to escalate to the amplitude of their last conversation.

"I think the only person not giving her a choice is you."

Edward pursed his lips and turned his back to his father. He heard a few steps behind and a hand squeeze his shoulder.

"You can't force Bella to choose Jacob over you. Even if it seems like the better match, you can't control everything but don't push her away."

"I just want her to be happy."

"I've never seen her happier than when she is with you." Carlisle said sincerely. Edward shrugged off Carlisle's hand and faced the man.

Edward ran a hand down his face. He looked older than his years. His emotions were scattered across his face. Carlisle's face softened and embraced him gently. Edward stiffened but then melted in his embrace as if all his burdens fell to the floor.

"What if I lose her?" He asked morosely, his voice slightly muffled. Carlisle pulled him back slightly in order to get eye contact and gave him a beseeching stare.

"You won't lose her. She loves you. Trust me; I've seen a lot over my four-hundred years." With that Carlisle ran his hands comfortingly down Edward's arms soothing the burning emotions in his stomach. Edward gripped the man tight as if trying to pull strength for future events.

"Everything is going to be alright, Edward."

Edward nodded with a reluctant look. He was thankful that he had Carlisle even if they tended to disagree, it usually worked out. Maybe he should trust his advice this time instead of ignoring it like he had done previously.

There was a sound of someone clearing their throat and Edward abruptly pulled away. Carlisle bit back a laugh and turned to the sound. Jacob was grinning widely but then grimaced at the pain. Carlisle quickly went to attend to his patient.

"Shut up." Edward said tightly.

"What? I didn't say anything." Jacob defended still smirking slightly.

"Yes, you did."

"Stay out of my head."

"Stop thinking so loudly."

"How do you _think _loudly?"

"Of course you wouldn't know. Your thoughts are perpetually loud and annoying."

"Yeah, well you're perpetually boring."

"How original, just because I'm not an obnoxious little-,"

"Boys, can I do my work in peace – please."

"It's not my fault. He started it."

"What are you five? I did not bloody start this argument; you did with your incessant thoughts."

"Who's five now?"

There was a loud sigh by a harried patriarch.

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Well, that was fun. Hope you like that little one-shot. I have a hard time ending a story all mushy, hence my tendency to end with humor. Please R&R!


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